omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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