No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize