I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
