If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
