i want to swaddle you in tequila
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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