when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
