you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
