I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
