oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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