Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
