I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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