i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize