If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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