Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
