somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is wine microwaveable?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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