So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bring me that man meat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
