You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My feet surprised me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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