At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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