Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
