just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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