Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
