the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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