so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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