He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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