Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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