call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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