i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
