so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
