I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
