she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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