wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize