So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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