me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
