I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
