Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize