y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
