It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize