Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
