So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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