This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
