Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
