Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
