Betty ford says i'm here all night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
