duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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