You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
