im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
