Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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