I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
