I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
