Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
