I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We had to coat check the pizza.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the raccoons are back...
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