I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
