Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
