Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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