A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
