yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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