Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize