your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
