turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize