Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
