i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
