I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
