she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize