Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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