Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
