I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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