You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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