i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
