I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
