I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
