you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
