I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
