If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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