in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
