you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
