Yo dont text me then not text me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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