Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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