Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
