nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
