It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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