pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
