my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
