nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize