I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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